We took a plane to Naga, from Manila.
We were picked up at the airport and brought to Talisay Port.
From Talisay Port, there was a speed boat waiting for us, it took us to the resort.
It took an hour and a half to get there.
Before I booked this resort, I read about it.
I read that when you get there, there was no cell signal.
I read that you had to take 200 steps to get to the clubhouse, where you could get wifi.
I read that the food wasn’t that good.
I read that it was paradise.
And indeed it was.
It was secluded, which was marvelous!
We were greeted with this green juice and corned beef sandwiches.
The manager, Michael, introduced us to our butler Trisia.
We were taken to our room, which was near the shore.
It was nice, but it was also wrong. Because I specifically requested a mountain top room, weeks before.
But we didn’t complain.
The room was very nice and spacious.
We changed and hung out at the beach until the sun set.
We went up to the clubhouse, 200 fucking steps it is. Lol. Not complaining, because like I said, I already read about it.
We ordered food, Beef Stuffed Squid, Laing and Salisbury Steak.
The steak was okay.
The Laing was horrid, it tasted like I was eating grass. It was like it was not cooked enough.
The squid was delicious, only thing is, it was stuffed with tomatoes and white onions, no beef.
It would have been better if I were informed that there was no beef and it would be stuffed with onions and tomatoes, rather than eating it and then finding out.
Or did they get my order wrong? Because when I signed the order form, it said there Beef Stuffed Squid.
Well anyways, we went to bed.
We scheduled a wake up call at 8:00AM, breakfast at 8.30AM, and island hopping at 9:00AM.
Everything was on schedule, breakfast was good. The tapa was delicious, but I have to commend the person who cooked our eggs. Lol. They were perfectly cooked eggs! Awesome! 🙂
The island hopping was good. We only got the half day one. Our butler was very attentive, she even brought RedHorse for us. Yey! 🙂
When we got back, we went to the clubhouse to have lunch.
Tried to order Gambas and broccoli, but unfortunately they had no shrimp and no broccoli.
Which pissed me off, inside. Haha!
So we opted for Grilled Tanigue, cauliflower, chili fingers, and carbonara.
After one hour, yes one hour, our orders came.
My tanigue was pan fried and oily.
The chili fingers were bland.
And to top it all off, the cauliflower was stone cold.
We swam a bit and I decided to get a mango crepe.
Viola! The crepe comes, and it was good.
I am super happy at this point because it was the only thing so far that I liked on their menu. But there wasn’t any ice cream on the crepe so I ordered some, and they were out. Lol. Out of ice cream. Oh well.
I asked our butler to schedule a massage.
The massage wasn’t that good because it felt like someone was just lathering oil on me. It was soft. I did not feel rejuvinated at all.
Come dinner time, I stuck to what was good since it was our last dinner here. We ordered the stuffed squid (this time I ordered the one that says tomato and onion), tenderloin beef tips and grilled liempo.
They were all okay. Nothing special.
I asked for their bar list, but unfortunately it was so scarce, there was nothing tequila, vodka and somemixed drinks. So I just ordered RedHorse.
Morning time came, we left the resort at 7AM.
I woke up at 6:00AM and had breakfast scheduled at 6:30AM. We ordered longganisa and shanghai rolls. The longganisa was okay, but the shanghai rolls were disgusting. It tasted like medicine! What the hell?! Shanghai is just ground pork, carrots, salt, pepper and wrapper. I do not know how they managed to fuck it up.
I got the bill and it was a whopping 11,330PHP! But why? Because when I availed the island hopping, I did not ask for the price. I assumed it was the normal rate of 1,500PHP. It was not. It was 3,500PHP for a half day of island fucking hopping. If I’d known it would be 3,500PHP to hop on three islands, I would not have availed of it. But I completely acknowledge that this was a mistake on my part.
The speedboat took us to Talisay Port and we were picked up by the driver and taken to the airport. We arrived 4hrs before our flight so what we did was take a cab to a Jollibee. That’s right! Jolli-fucking-bee is so much better than the crap food we were eating for the past three days.
Overall, I thought the resort was nice. The service was good, our butler did well. Would I come back? Definitely not. Why would I come back for super bad food, overpriced island hopping, subdued massages and a bar that has no whiskey?
The beach was nice, but not nicer than Boracay.
If you’re the hippy type that wants to be one with nature and all that virgin beach crap, you would enjoy this. But it is definitely not for me. I want powdery white sand and a very long shoreline. The beach here was more of a coral white beach.
If they had delicious food, this review would be entirely different. Just saying.
Also, just so you know this experience is not a one off, here are some of my friends’ testimonies sharing the same horrible experience.